The men all wear dark suits, the women have complicated updos, they move in sync to the beat of the bandmaster - but beware dear viewers: "one of the couples is dancing wrongly!" At first glance, dance programmes like that of Ernst and Helga Fern (“Dance Party with the Fern couple”) on German television in the 1960s seem rather funny, stiff and old-fashioned. However, if you ignore the fact that the programme is black and white, that fashion has changed and that a "Gentlemen, may we have the pleasure ?" would be a little too formal nowadays, it could surprisingly also be an insight into a (admittedly rather conservative) contemporary dance school. Because even today there is still a clear distribution of roles in classical couple dancing: the man holding the woman in his strong arms has clearly defined tasks - he leads, plans ahead and steers the follower safely through the crowd of other dancing couples. The leader alone is responsible for ensuring that the joint dance is a pleasant and above all not a boring experience for the follower. The female follower, on the other hand, as the perfect counterpart to the strong male leader, has to follow him and ideally cut a good figure at his side. So in the end, despite great social change, a piece of the world of the 1960s has been preserved in couple dancing.

The Ferns might have found Argentine tango too "wild" and "scandalous " - which is precisely why ballroom tango was choreographed and taught in dance schools in Europe instead of the Argentine tango. But whether standard dances according to the rules of the World Dance Programme or the much less regimented Argentine tango: in most places, whether school, course or dance event, the classical distribution of roles is still adhered to as a matter of course. If you dance as a man with another man, you are likely to arouse astonishment. Some time ago I was asked who I was dancing with. Because with Daniel, my husband, that would obviously not work. Two men, that would inevitably mean that both would lead and neither would follow.

Occasionally it is argued that the classical roles should be maintained, as this is to the advantage of both parties. For in couple dancing, the man can still be a "real man" unchallenged (and here perhaps even more so than at barbeques so often mentioned in this context), while the woman can devote herself entirely to the beautiful aspects of the dance. But to what extent is this adherence to the role model of the 1960s actually an advantage for "the man"?

Whether it's a milonga or another form of dance event - practically everywhere it is noticeable that there are significantly more women than men present. At first sight, this has the advantage for the man, if he takes the traditional role of leading, that he has a large selection of potential dance partners. From a less conservative perspective, it also leads to the welcome development that some women learned how to lead and follow, thus breaking up the classic distribution of roles in couple dancing.

I have often wondered why more women than men seem to dance. When I think back to my youth and student days, there were usually far more women than men on the dance floor. The proportion of men at the bar then compensated for this disproportion in the club. Perhaps women are more likely to dare to participate in couple dances later on because of their dance experiences in such places?

In my opinion, there are probably two more reasons for the reluctance of many men to sign up for a dance class: First, there are relatively high expectations placed on men. The conservative fiction that primary responsibility in dance rested with the man was seen by some as a privilege but by many others as more of a deterrent. What if I don't hit the beat? What if I can't remember the steps? What if I can't lead? In my opinion, taking on this classical social role as "man" paradoxically reveals an otherwise invisible vulnerability of the dancer.

In addition, a low-threshold introduction to dancing - be it the tango or another dance - is fundamentally denied to the man in a classical distribution of roles due to the role assigned to him: while a woman, who likes the music and dance from the outside, can theoretically try out a few steps on the dance floor relatively easily after being taught a few basic principles and benefit from the experience of the leader - especially in the tango, where even walking in a beautiful embrace can be an experience - the man must always start in the leading role according to the classical conception. He must thus be able to "dance" from the first step.

According to historical sources, however, it was not uncommon in Argentine tango for men to lead as well as follow. Thus, men practised together at practicas and an obvious way to learn the tango as a man was to be led by a more experienced man. The aim of the joint training, however, was to become a good dancer for milongas, where the classic division of roles between the male leader and the female follower applied again.

If we transfer this to the reality of life today, I think that in general, but especially in tango, the question arises as to why people continue to cling to role models when they dance that are otherwise, fortunately, largely outdated.

I think that "the men" in particular could only benefit from an opening towards both roles but also towards both sexes: This opening would not only change the understanding of the tango and the understanding of the dance partner, but would also open up a completely different wealth of experience. In any case, I always learn something new from all my dance partners.

It would be nice if Queer Tango could give impulses and be a role model. As a queer couple you sometimes hear "Lucky you, you just can do it". One would like to reply: "Why can't you do that? You can do it as well..." A man led by a woman, two women or two men dancing together, changing roles during the dance, ... Maybe the visibility of all this could help to break up the rigid role structure so many dancers are still following automatically through new ideas and encourage them to dare and "be able to do it". Because in the end, a milonga is one thing above all: a social event where you can ideally discover and experience music together with your dance partners - regardless of gender, role or status.