Extract from my book:
SHAMANISM, how chronic illness/life trauma can be a spiritual awakening and a shamanic initiation
My name is Natasha Saltzer, I am a Spiritual teacher and shamanic practitioner. I am also the founder of Little River Shamanic centre. I will be sharing with you how the power of shamanism helped me in my battle with ME/CFS also known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I will share some of my own health recovery story with you and give insights into how shamanism played a part in my recovery, as well as offer practical tips on how you can use shamanism in your own life.
INTRODUCTION TO SHAMANISM.
Have you ever felt that there was more to life than just the physical world? Have you ever felt a sense of awe about the natural world? Have you ever sat and watched a sunset and felt you were witnessing something greater than your eyes alone could comprehend? Have you had spiritual experiences, which have opened up a sense of curiosity in you to the greater mystery of life? If so, the shamanic path may be of interest to you....
Shamanism is the most ancient form of spiritual practice known to humans. It is the ability to gain wisdom, healing and guidance from communion with the invisible world of energy. It is a communion that promotes health and well-being for oneself and others. Shamanism teaches us that to go through a chronic illness, a life trauma or crisis can be a form of spiritual awakening or a shamanic initiation.
These types of intensely challenging life experiences can be an opportunity for spiritual growth and a releasing of old ways of being that no longer serve your highest purpose. It is no surprise that shamanism is known as the path of the wounded healer. Shamanism teaches us that all of life is sacred. It teaches you how to walk in balance and wholeness. It is the path of the warrior and the way of the wildflower.
Shamanism is more than 40,000 years old and is the birthplace of all culture and spirituality. The word shaman originated from Siberia and its means ‘he (or she) who knows'. It is a natural, earth-based spiritual path, where a person can find greater peace through a harmonious connection to all of life, the visible and the invisible.
The shaman learns to move at will between the physical world and the world of energy/spirit through such practices as shamanic journeying, dream worK, meditation, ceremonies and ritual etc.
I am often asked 'What is shamanism?' I believe that in some still, quiet place inside, the person asking already knows the answer. It is a way of life that has deep roots in one's blood ancestral lines and soul memory. There was a time across this planet, before religion, before the calendar, before the written word, when shamanism was the lifeblood of ancient indigenous tribes. It was the heartbeat of the tribe. It was the sacred song that shone the light of truth, throughout every aspect of life. It was a time when mankind lived in harmony with the natural world and the spiritual realms of energy. Many people that feel called to shamanism, speak of feeling a sense of returning home when they first connect with the shamanic path.
Although shamanism has its roots in our ancient past, a modern shamanism is emerging, as new medicine teachings, knowledge, healing tools for self and for others are being channelled. Part of my life path is to help with the revival of our shamanic heritage and also be a personal channel to the new pioneering modern day shamanism being gifted by 'spirit'. I have felt a calling to the shamanic path that grew even stronger when I became ill and somehow I intuitively knew that my recovery from ME/CFS would coincide with my awakening to my shamanic soul and to my living the life of my authentic self.
MY STORY.
First let me take you back to a key memory in 2004. I was on a holiday to celebrate my 30th birthday with my boyfriend at that time, a few years before I fell ill with ME/CFS.
.....We were on a walking trip, planning to scale Mount Snowdon, the highest mountain peak in Wales. It was while climbing that I had my brush with death. I had been so close to reaching the summit as well! I had fallen and I was slowly sliding down an icy wall. With no ice axe to hand, there was nothing I could do, but witness my terrifying slide over the edge. I prepared myself for the worst, for the end, as the wind howled its death song.
Suddenly I found a small hole that had miraculously appeared on the slope of ice. I was now hanging by just one aching finger shoved in the hole which had been created by another hiker who had pressed their walking stick into the snow, leaving a hole which then froze over.
My feet scrambled beneath me, desperately trying to find some kind of grip on the icy wall. I watched as bits of ice and rock fell into the heavy silence beneath me. There was a sickening twist in my stomach, as I watched the stones cascade and bounce down the mountainside. It was just my one sore finger that was stopping my fall, stopping me from joining them and plunging to my certain death.
My boyfriend was lying down, calling for me to take hold of the edge of his walking stick, “Grab hold,” he shouted, reaching towards me frantically, trying to stop himself from sliding too. I was growing tired and I knew my grip in the ice wouldn’t last much longer. I could just about reach the end of the stick, with my spare hand. He began to pull me up with some effort. I said a prayer of gratitude for the hole in the ice, as I was pulled, somewhat clumsily, to safety.
The summit of Mount Snowdon was back in my sights, as I got myself back to a shaky stand. “You nearly killed yourself,” he reprimanded, “Why didn’t you just turn back like everyone else has today? I told you this mountain is not safe in this weather, especially without the right gear." I stared at the summit once more and that same feeling returned, that had been with me all day, the feeling that I just had to reach the top, no matter what. I felt like I had no choice. I knew I could not give up unless it was impossible to take another step.
"Come on let's go back, We are the last ones on this mountain," he insisted. "We will be making the descent in darkness at this rate."
The mountain and its summit had become symbolic of what lay ahead for me and I had intuitively known to keep climbing. “If I give up on this mountain,” I said with growing determination, “Then whatever challenge awaits me in the years ahead I’ll also give up on. But if I climb this mountain today and make it to the summit, then I will overcome the test waiting for me in my thirties. Don’t ask me how I know, I just know. You have to understand I cannot give up on this mountain. My life depends on it.”
Despite the extreme weather conditions we did get to the top of the Mount Snowdon that day and safely back down again. I was ecstatic to of reached the summit and passed what I felt was some kind of test.
As I predicted there was indeed a mountain-like challenge to face that coming decade, to overcome the health challenge of ME/CFS. This health condition was like a huge, impossible mountain to climb for me, as there was no known cure. Trying to regain my health, I got very close to death, I nearly quit a couple of times, just like on Mount Snowdon, yet ultimately I did not give up. I have had two difficult mountains to face in my lifetime, one real and one symbolic, both of them I believe were spiritual quests, both of which I survived.
It was February of 2008, I was 34 years old when ME/CFS hit me like a 10-ton lorry and derailed my life. I was living in a one bedroom flat in London and it was a cold winter’s day when I collapsed on the London underground. That day changed my life forever. The person that I used to be was gone. I became as close to a living corpse as one could find themselves and still have a heartbeat. I had been replaced with a wretched, fragile, lifeless, human being. The person whom I had previously been, who had enjoyed abundant energy, had loved to dance, loved to travel, loved to sing, loved to do healing work, loved to climb mountains, loved to laugh...... had gone....completely disappeared!. I had been swallowed up by the chronic illness ME/CFS.
ME or Myalgic encephalopathy is a complex and debilitating chronic disease that is considered to be a primarily neurological disease. Medical research has shown that ME/CFS has been found to be one of the top most disabling health conditions to be diagnosed with, due to its severity of symptoms and level of human suffering. There is no known cure and many will suffer in silence for decades of their lives. Three out of ten ME/CFS sufferers commit suicide, as a way to escape the overwhelming pain, exhaustion and multi-faceted levels of suffering. Many people believe it is a life-threatening illness and should be treated as such.
There are around 240,000 sufferers in the UK, patients are graded on the severity of their symptoms. 10-25% are reported to be house or bed-bound. Some of the main key symptoms of ME/CFS are:
Severe and overwhelming fatigue that does not improve with rest or sleep and worsens after mental or physical activity.
Brain and central nervous system symptoms/cognitive dysfunction/brain fog.
Immune system dysfunction, with symptoms that include sore throats, joint pains, glandular pains, headaches, problems with temperature control and flu-like feelings.
Difficulty sleeping and night sweats.
Severe reduction in a person’s ability to cope with all aspects of normal daily living and basic daily activities.
I was part of the 10-25% group of ME/CFS sufferers who were bed-bound. For the first eighteen months I could barely get out of bed and it was for a total of three years that I was housebound. I had my occasional good days and on those days I appeared to be OK, but as soon as I tried to be in the world, I paid for it by having to recuperate in bed for days/weeks afterwards.
ME/CFS took me to the edge of what I felt I could cope with, to the edge of my strength, to the edge of my courage, and ultimately to the edge of human suffering. I could barely sit up, let alone walk. Every movement was a battle of wills between my body and the air around me, air that felt like it had turned into concrete. Everything was quite simply too much. Everything my eyes looked at hurt...light hurt...trying to make sense of shapes and movements desperately tired my brain. I was unable to read more than a few sentences, as my cognitive ability was severely impaired.
Every second of every day was a living hell. Every part of my body screamed in pain, as if I had red-hot barbed wire, twisted around my nerves, muscles, and joints. My breathing was a struggle and at times felt life-threatening as I could not get in any air. I was rushed to A&E a couple of times, to open up the airwaves in my lungs. My brain that used to be so sharp and bright was reduced to a thick fog. The job of trying to form even a simple sentence was a painstaking and exhausting process. Communicating with others was quite simply too much. Most of my days were spent lying down, in a dark room, as the waves of pain and exhaustion cascaded through me. The irony was that on most days, no matter how much I rested, my symptoms rarely improved and my exhaustion levels remained the same.
When I was diagnosed with ME/CFS at the Royal Free hospital in London, I was told by ME/CFS specialists there that I had to learn to live with ME/CFS, as best I could and try to find ways to cope. I asked, how long would it be until I could hope to recover? I was told that it was best not to hope for a recovery as there was no known cure. From their extensive medical experience, very few people recovered their health once diagnosed with ME/CFS. I refused to believe this, that I would remain in that disabled state, possibly for the rest of my life. I became even more determined to get well and I vowed I would not give up or give up hope. I would do whatever it took to regain my health and my life.
Slowly and surely I began to get my life back on track. I honestly do not believe that I would be here today if it was not for shamanism and the shamanic healing and energy field healing that I received to support my recovery. I embarked on a shamanic training with Chris Luttichau at Northern Drum, as part of my four year recovery. I also continued my studies in energy field healing. Let me share with you some of the teachings and tools that helped me during my health journey:
HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE AND HEAL PAST WOUNDS.
How did I survive the experience of living with ME/CFS? I’ll be honest and say there were days when I did not know if I could make it through. I had taken all I could take, fought as hard as I could fight, given all that I had and I was totally spent. There was simply nothing left to give. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever done, to try and beat ME/CFS...I was taken down to the darkest depths of human suffering.
I had been completely broken down and ripped apart. I had to face my worst demons and heal the deeply held wounds and traumas of my past.
I seemed to be processing unbearable wounds that appeared to have been collected over not only this lifetime but numerous lifetimes. I came very close to giving up, such was the despair I found myself in due to my extreme suffering. It was at these times when I came close to giving up, close to wishing for death to release me, that the memory of my successful climb to the summit of Mount Snowdon would return. With it the reminder that I could climb this ME/CFS mountain, even if it seemed against all odds.
I knew to survive I had to be willing to dig deeper than I was equipped for, to dig and go beyond what I thought I could endure. You see, to lose everything, to be stripped down to the bare bones of existence and to not give up on life, is a mountain- like challenge.
I had no choice but to call forth my inner warrior and keep believing that I would one day be free of ME/CFS. Every opportunity to heal a wound I had to take it. I had to keep healing one wound after another. Keep taking one step and then another step. Every moment of every day I had to keep choosing life, keep saying yes to life, despite my living hell.
Practical tip:
There are many shamanic and energy techniques for healing trauma and wounds. There are not only the techniques used by a shamanic or energy field healer during a healing session but also self-healing tools you can use at home. Shamanic workshops or training courses also offer a great opportunity to learn self-healing tools for yourself. The tools that I teach via my training courses, workshops and retreats are life-enhancing tools that are a mix of old and new. They are tools that have been tried and tested throughout the passage of human history as well as tools that have been channeled by spirit, to be of optimum value for our modern times.
One tip I would like to share is for you to explore the idea that your wounds can ultimately be a profound gift. Try to look for the teaching in each of your wounds and thank it for all that it has taught you, all that it has called you to be, all that it has shown you. If you can change your attitude towards your wounds, even the most painful, you will find greater peace in moving through each day, as you journey towards wholeness and renewed health. Knowing and trusting that your wounds offer a sublime invitation to personal transformation and awakening.
Another tip, one of the key things that helped me in my deepest darkest moments was prayer. Keep praying for help, from spirit, from the universe, source light, whatever you feel comfortable with. The more honest, authentic and sincere you can be in your prayers the better. Speak from the heart, share your soul, let it all hang out so to speak, pray as your unmasked, natural self. I'm not sure how prayer helps exactly, but the prayers that I shared my heart and soul in felt the most alive and powerful and I felt a real positive shift happen.
THE POWER OF ONE'S MIND TO CREATE A PEACEFUL, JOYFUL LIFE.
In shamanism words hold power, hold energy, hold intention and have the ability to manifest on the physical plane. Fear had taken over my life, fear based words and thoughts had taken up residence in my head, so I began to work daily with training my subconscious mind, with the use of hypnosis.
I was using the power of my mind to heal and transform myself. During the years I was bed-bound and house-bound, this was a great self-healing technique to use for the times I was unable to leave my bed. During those early days of my recovery, I would participate in self-hypnosis for hours on end. This tool was key for helping my health improve so that I became well enough to use other self-healing techniques.
Practical tip:
A positive attitude can make even the most difficult life a happy one. A negative attitude can make even the most blessed life a miserable one. Throughout the day, be mindful of your state of mind. Ask yourself, am I being a WARRIOR or a WORRIER right now? Shine the light of awareness on yourself when you slip into WORRIER mode, (without falling into self-criticism), and gently nudge yourself to have a more positive WARRIOR mindset. This is key to mastering command over one's mind.
I also gave my WORRIER part of my mind a light-hearted name - 'Twinkle Toes'. This helped me to listen without judgement and not take everything that 'Twinkle Toes' said too seriously or to heart. It is a technique worth copying to help to remove some of the power from your worrier self.
SHAMANIC JOURNEYING.
One of the core central teachings of shamanism is the shamanic journey, a practice where you journey into an altered state of consciousness, with the intention of receiving guidance, healing, visions or knowledge for the benefit of yourself or another. The journey can be done with the accompaniment of a continuous drum beat, which helps the person journeying, to relax and go into a trance-like state (a state similar to when dreaming).
Altered states of consciousness involve three worlds which are depicted as part of a world tree. The roots represent the lower world, the trunk the middle world, and the branches represent the upper world. The lower world looks more like an uninhabited planet earth . Typically you would go to the lower world to seek healing, wisdom, and guidance from the animal spirits that dwell there. The middle world is the physical/ordinary reality that humans and all living things exist in. The upper world is primarily the realm of the spirit guides, wise ones and spirit teachers. You can journey to these worlds, through the entry gateway, Axis Mundi point, from the safety of your own unique sacred space.
Shamanic journeying was a daily tool I used, to access healing from spirit and to seek guidance on what actions to take to help me recover my health. The shamanic journey also allowed me to access altered states of consciousness, which meant that I was no longer as conscious of the pain in my body during the journeying experience. Hence, journeying brought me precious relief from the disabling pain I suffered with.
Practical tip:
The use of the shamanic journey to access and request assistance from high vibrational Helping spirit guide, for the highest good of yourself or for another, is a powerful tool and should be practiced safely. If you are a beginner, I recommend learning under the guidance and instruction of a shamanic teacher. It is important to know how to move in and out of altered states of consciousness safely and in a grounded way. I teach safe shamanic journeying on my 'Intro to Shamanism' day workshops called 'Way of the Wildflower'.
POWER ANIMALS.
Living with your power animal as a guide is seen as essential in shamanic cultures for a healthy, happy and balanced life. Your power animal matches your soul resonance and often shares similar characteristics to yourself. To be more powerful, to be full of life force, high vibrational power, it is key that you maintain a relationship with your power animal. Your power animal becomes a spirit ally that supports, guides you and offers protection throughout all aspects of shamanic and daily life.
In my own recovery, my power animal helped me immensely as my teacher, healer, playmate and co-explorer/adventurer through the shamanic realms. One of my favourite shamanic journeys was to explore and play in the lower world with my power animal – a wolf - or with my other animal guides. To be able to experience nature in this way was such a gift, such a boost to my moral, as my movement ability was impaired in ordinary reality. Interacting with my power animal, I could experience the sensation of being able to move, walk, leap and run and have greater mobility. Even though my experience of greater mobility was in non-ordinary reality, my body and my entire energy system still felt the benefits.
One of the animals that became a teacher for me, especially during the early years, was the bear. Bear taught me that sometimes the most powerful gift we can give ourselves is rest. The bear has no shame in going into hibernation, it does what it needs to do. As I was so sick, rest was vital for my body to heal. Bear taught me to trust what my body was telling me, to give it the rest that it needed to heal, to go into my cave if that was what was required. Bear helped me embrace the feminine qualities within myself of self- nurture and the art of simply being.
Practical tip:
Do you want to know what your power animal is? Look for synchronicity in your life in regards to animals. Is there one particular animal/creature that stands out from the rest? Is there one that you feel a sense of kinship with? An animal that you keep seeing everywhere, in dreams, in books, on television, in artwork ? Is there an animal that you feel particularly drawn to? You can also journey to the lower world with the intention of meeting your power animal.
THANKSGIVING AND BEING GRATEFUL AS A DAILY PRACTICE.
The turning point in my recovery was when I completely embraced the power of gratitude in my life, not just as a conceptual idea, but through truly letting the power of gratitude seep into my blood, bones and cells. An interesting idea began to present itself, what if I could be genuinely happy without needing to change anything in my situation? What if I could be truly grateful for everything that I did have, rather than focusing on what I felt I lacked? Regardless of how desperate and hopeless my circumstances appeared to be, could I still find inner peace?
What if my state of mind, was my one true freedom that nothing in the universe had the power to take from me? The universe could take my health, my mobility, my cognitive function, my livelihood, my home, my dreams, but it could not take away my ability to choose my attitude to my life's circumstances. Was it possible to love unconditionally and without any judgements? Was it possible to feel genuine gratitude towards my life, myself and my situation?
When I completely accepted myself. I realised that I was worthy of love even in my broken, weakened state. I was worthy of unconditional love even when I felt I had nothing of value to give to the world or to others. I could be at peace with myself. What if how my life was, was enough? Through the eyes of gratitude and love, I began to see how truly blessed I was. I no longer needed to strive to try and be a better version of me, or create a better life. I could love and accept myself just as I was, even with my ME/CFS health condition.
Once I made that shift a deep and long lasting peace entered my heart and life. Ironically when I made peace with my circumstances, things began to improve and the real transformation began to happen. I was no longer fighting life and with love and acceptance, I moved in gratitude for each new improvement that slowly began to blossom in my health.
Positive thinking I realised was a paradox, on one hand there needed to be a total acceptance of your current life circumstances and who you are in the now moment, whilst on the other hand, having a focus and intent to manifest a brighter future and total belief in the power to manifest your vision of your highest potentials.
Shamanism teaches us to live in balance with duality and the paradoxes of life. Gratitude is the magic key that brings peace and joy to living with the forces of duality in our lives.
Practical tip:
Shine the power of gratitude into every aspect of your life and miraculously watch it transform. Love and gratitude are the two of the most powerful forces to awaken in yourself. Have a daily morning practice, where you start the day with a thanksgiving. Join in the birdsong, as nature celebrates the gift of a new day. Try feeling true gratitude for the new day ahead of you and give thanks for all the blessings you have in your life. If you can, try and do this outdoors, as you greet the sun each day. This will set the tone for the day ahead and help you maintain a positive, grateful outlook.
THE RETURN OF MY HEALTH.
As I started to recover, it became evident that I was also experiencing some kind of spiritual awakening. I was changing from the inside out. My whole way of being in the world was on a different level to who I was prior to getting ill. I felt like I was finally living the life of my soul. I realised that fear had lost its grip on me and love had become the dominant force present throughout my day. As my symptoms slowly began to diminish, a renewed energy, vitality and life force returned to me. I felt like I was existing on a higher vibrational level. Happiness and joy rose spontaneously throughout the day. The change in me was profound as if my entire being and life had become flooded with light.
I still have the occasional minor symptom flare up, when I have been burning the candle at both ends, for too long, but overall I feel healthy and vital....which is a miracle for me. My life feels truly blessed and I am so grateful for the path to wholeness that I have travelled and the support from my teachers, on both the physical and spiritual planes. Being able to be of service now, with my shamanic healing, workshops, retreats and training programs is such a wonderful life to be leading, but the biggest reward, regaining my health has brought me, has to be the birth of my son. To of gone from someone barely able to lift my arms to drink, to being able to raise a child is breathtakingly awesome.
I wish to dedicate this chapter to all those around the world suffering from ME/CFS and others going through difficult times that calls for great courage and a strong heart to endure. My heart goes out to you all. May you discover the sacred gifts held in your wounds and may you find your way home.....
"A positive attitude can make even the most difficult life a happy one. A negative attitude can make even the most blessed life a miserable one." Natasha Saltzer
COPYRIGHT Natasha Saltzer 2015
