Being Worthy

For many reasons we start behaving as we might not deserve it all in life; the unconditional love; the ultimate joy; the limitless happiness. We start believing we are supposed to settle for less. Many times not even consciously but just start acting like that. We think we just have the best possible. But what is the nagging feeling that everything is still not as it could be or that something fundamental we are missing?

These reasons can stem from long times back, mostly from childhood, but even past lives. We are in a way programmed in a certain way, to respond in certain way to certain situations and if we do not become conscious about it, we repeat it, many times unsuccessfully to the bitter end, without any means to change this.

These behaviour patterns are often or mostly unconscious. We hide it in the odd patterns we realise in our interactions. We think we need to accommodate to be accepted. We think we need to be in control in different situations so we do not lose ourselves or our face. We always can explain different non-pleasant situations to ourselves in the best suitable way, for our own convenience, without maybe fully taking our own responsibility in those. I myself did this for a very long time. And never saw the mirror looking back at me.

I remember very clearly, after several (failed) attempts in close relationships, bicycling down the seaside road, wind in my hair and sun shining; it downloaded to me the thought: I am entitled to experience unconditional love in this lifetime. It hit me so hard, the realisation and understanding, as I was raised on a terms that I am a good person when I behave in a certain way, no fuzz making, not expressing or showing negative emotions. I had no capability to understand the underlying currents in people's behaviour not to mention my own. This started changing from that realisation.

Many of us act from fear. From fear of being rejected, of not belonging, of not being accepted, of not being loved. These feelings raise most easily in our closest relationships. I listened to Tommi Hellsten just a few days ago, and he talked about this phenomenon with the word shame. What he thinks is that a person who has never been seen with fully loving eyes and heart, carries this wound onward and reflects that in own environment in different ways - by being overly angry, overly sweet, overly understanding, overly criticising, overly hard, you name it. This is the internal shame we reflect until we realise what is going on in ourselves. Blessed are the ones who are lovingly healthy from the day they were born. But the realisation of our
"factory settings" is possible. And it makes all the difference.

What happens is that you start recognizing yourself in a different way. Suddenly you understand that you are worthy, regardless your status, regardless your behaviour, regardless anything. This brings an amazing certainty to one's being. It also brings creativity into fruition. It also starts affecting all relationships. You silently but surely start assuming the respect you deserve and this may change many relationships you previously have been maintaining. The false motives disappear and the authentic feelings of connecting start prevailing. You become healthy with your boundaries. You yourself start appreciating honesty and authenticity and vulnerability and real reciprocity in relationships and can feel and be all of those, too. Freely. No attachments to the outcomes, just be yourself. Feeling safe like that.

Being happy. Now.