April DBT Challenge: Improve the Moment

By Dr. Valencia Agnew

As this past March was approaching, I was thinking about March Madness. I was preparing to ask my son about his brackets and what he thought. Though I must admit, I tend to be the person who thinks about who is going to win it all and I don't care so much who wins or loses each week. Well things changed quickly in March and are continuing to change rapidly as April has arrived. Before we can finish reading one news story, there is an update in the headlines. All that is happening can be stressful and if you are not a person that stresses easily, well, it can be challenging. When things change, we need to recalibrate. However, not everyone knows how to do that. Here is where our Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Challenge comes in.

Being mindful of your thoughts can be helpful in managing your emotions during times of uncertainty. We don't like it and it is what it is. Now that we have that out of the way, how does being mindful of thoughts help manage emotions and what does it even mean? I'm so glad you asked.

Mindfulness of thoughts is letting thoughts come and go. We simply notice them without trying to change or control them while recognizing that they are only thoughts. It allows you to radically accept it is nothing more or less than a thought, there is no need to judge them, just notice and let them go or let them be. Being mindful or observing thoughts provides distance from them and reveals them for what they are. Reacting to a thought as if it is a fact obscures seeing “what is” and can lead to unnecessary suffering, and reactive problem behaviors are often caused by thoughts. I am sure we can all think of some reactive problem behaviors that have happened over the past few weeks (hint: toilet paper crisis).

When you observe your thoughts you can see them for what they are. For example you can see when they are treated as facts and when they are intolerant. Have you caught yourself thinking any of these things or other intolerant thoughts?
This is too much.
I can't do this.
I can't cope with this feeling.
I'll go crazy.
I will lose control.
I am weak or stupid for feeling this way.

If you are looking for a way to be mindful (observant) of your thoughts, I have a suggestion for you. It is called IMPROVE the moment. We only have moment by moment as things are changing, so improve your moments. It does not fix the crisis, but it sure can help you stay sane and make good choices verses being impulsive or other ineffective behaviors.

IMPROVE the moment means:

I - Imagery. Imagine a safe place. Imagine yourself dealing with the crisis. Imagine yourself being strong. Imagine something soothing or relaxing. Think about your favorite place or memory. Daydream. For example, Think about sitting on a beach watching waves. Or imagine (or do) take your superwoman/superman pose and hold it for a minute.

M - Meaning. Think of the things and people that have meaning to you. Change how you feel about yourself or the situation. Make lemonade out of lemons. For example, I like to think of how nice it is to sit and watch something on TV together. The dog sure likes having us home all day.

P - Prayer. Prayer, meditation, spirituality. For example, listen to a religious or spiritual live streaming or podcast. Or pray for yourself, others, the world, our leaders. Get mindfulness apps to help you meditate.

R - Relaxation. Allow yourself 5 minutes to do nothing. Prop your feet up without guilt. Get the Headspace app for free right now and practice relaxation.

O - One thing in the moment. Focus on doing one thing in the moment. It can be sitting in a chair, washing dishes, or homework with the kids. Do just the one thing and focus on it. Walk from one room to the next and notice how your feet hit the floor, the texture of the floor or carpet, the way your muscles feel.

V - Vacation. No, this does not mean run out and take a vacation. We are all probably a little apprehensive about that right now. What you can do is take a mental break from it all. Give yourself permission to stay off Facebook and Twitter reading all of the news for a minute (or a day if needed). Take a short break while working.

E - Encouragement. Encourage yourself. Speak words of life to yourself. Be your own best friend right now. Be your own mental coach. Make helpful statements about yourself. AND don't forget, share the love: encourage someone else too. For example, I like telling myself, "You got this, you go girl." Or sometimes, I just say, "You're ok."

Your DBT Challenge:

I challenge you to spend 7 days doing one thing to IMPROVE the moment. There are 7 letters so do one for 7 days. And should you accept the challenge, let me know how it worked for you via email or on our Facebook page. Therapists appreciate encouragement too.

Try some new skills out today! Send us an email (AFBHS@comcast.net) or share with us on Facebook what skills your tried.