How to do the thing that Scares You
Mother's Day always makes me think of women who were never really mothered, but rather were punished for their mothers fears and insecurities.
Girl children, in an enmeshed environment, are seen as direct extensions of their mothers instead of separate unique human beings.
Mothers project all of their fears, hopes and desires for things they didn't feel they had a right to onto their daughters.
It's unfair, but that's not really your fault. It's a natural part of growing up. However, using the tools your parents gave you to operate in a world unlike the one in which they came of age is a choice that doesn't serve you. Its sets you up for self-doubt and defining yourself by the critique of someone who you just happen to share DNA with.
Here's the key to unlocking the fear, duty and obligation so you can check into your own definition of guilt-free joy and satisfaction:
Learn how to move
From Fear to Fuck it
from Self-Love to
Self-Respect
FEAR requires asking permission to put yourself first
FUCK IT requires action even when ur scared.
Self-love is setting boundaries.
Self-respect is requiring that others honor those boundaries or lose access to ur greatest gift: U
Fear feels like
▪ hyper people-pleasing instead of doing what your really want to do
▪ seeking constant approval
▪ apologizing for your authenticity
▪ self-abandonement by allowing the criticism of others to define us
▪ women practicing being in service to others like it’s a religion
| ▪ | hyper people-pleasing instead of doing what your really want to do |
| ▪ | seeking constant approval |
| ▪ | apologizing for your authenticity |
| ▪ | self-abandonement by allowing the criticism of others to define us |
| ▪ | women practicing being in service to others like it’s a religion |
Fuck it feels like
▪ Unapologetic Rest
▪ taking a time out to explore what u love but never do,
▪ Checking into new experiences that help u see the world in broader terms to get new ideas about what’s possible for u
▪ taking time to adventure even when it makes u feel guilty for leaving others behind. (The guilt will fade, but the exhaustion will kill u slowly & surely )
▪ refusing to accept what the world has on offer as ur only option for self-definition
| ▪ | taking a time out to explore what u love but never do, |
| ▪ | Checking into new experiences that help u see the world in broader terms to get new ideas about what’s possible for u |
| ▪ | taking time to adventure even when it makes u feel guilty for leaving others behind. (The guilt will fade, but the exhaustion will kill u slowly & surely ) |
| ▪ | refusing to accept what the world has on offer as ur only option for self-definition |
How I Learned to Move from Fear to Fuck It from Self-Love to Self-Respect
Once I realized, I was living a life defined by fear in America, I said: Fuck it! Packed a bag & hopped on the first tour of Morocco I could find. 8 months later I was living there.
You know why? Because as soon as I landed, people were happy to see me, no one followed me in stores to see if I would steal. Instead, they asked me to sit & have tea bec I deserved to enjoy the ritual of mint tea under a North African sun.
Here’s the thing. Once I decided fear, exhaustion, constantly defending my self-worth was no longer an option, that’s the moment, self-love kicked in & forced me to take action.
To find a place, a space, a moment where my right to joy, ease & rest were never in question. Where guns, racism & rage were no longer the default.
Taking that trip was an act of self-love. The experience of being treated w/kindness, warmth & my full humanity became the default.
That expectation of good is the source of my self-respect, lack of fear & commitment to take care of the valuable person I’ve always been even when i didn’t know it.
No one is born fearless, but everyone is entitled to it.
