AFBHS Holiday Survival Guide 2018:

Be Realistic

The holidays are stressful enough. When we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and strive for “perfection” we are doing so at the cost of our holiday cheer. Perfectionism is often fueled by a fear of failure. Overcome this fear by asking yourself, “What if the worst happened?” What if you burned the holiday turkey? What would that mean? What would that matter? Does this reflect who you are as a person? If we put your worries into perspective it allows us to understand we can still have a good time even if something goes awry. Give yourself a break this year and be mindful of what the holidays are really about by spending your energy in ways that make memories and avoid the emotional breakdowns that come with picking the perfect napkin ring.
–Courtney Johnson, LMSW, CAADC

Be Where Your Feet Are

During the holidays we become busy running to, from, and between programs, parties, concerts, and countless other holiday events. In this flurry of busyness, it is easy to be continually focused on the next thing on our calendar rather than being fully engrossed in moment. When we’re being mindful, we make a conscious effort to be in the moment, present with family and friends. We are engaged with our environments and find that we ourselves and the holidays are more enjoyable, fulfilling, and rewarding.
-Matthew Pettinga, MA, LPC

You Don’t Have to Be Alone

The holiday season can often be a challenge for most people, especially those of us who are not connected to friends and family. During this season, try something different. There are many organizations seeking assistance for volunteers, financial support and even just your presence. Isolation causes you to focus on yourself and your emotions. Take a risk and reach out to an organization of your interest and surround yourself around people who will appreciate you. You do not have to be alone. Someone is need of you.

-Wesley Morgan, MA, LLPC

Identify a Routine

Identify a healthy routine for you and your family this holiday season. Holiday breaks can be difficult for a variety of reasons. Maintaining routine can help reduce the chaos that can come along with a break from school and more time at home with the family. But be flexible, i.e. allow sleeping in or going to bed later, and allow some fun. Sometimes it can be difficult to be running from one family gathering to the next. Identify some limits for your family about how long you stay somewhere or how many places you try to go in a day. Remember the holidays are meant to be enjoyed. Your family will enjoy them more if they feel rested and not rushed.
-Ashley Strang, MA, LLP, CAADC

Accept Where You Are

This time of year, we sometimes find ourselves pondering the things we wish we had in our lives. Also reminiscing on the people we wish could be in our lives. Or even finding ourselves wishing our lives were just different. During these moments, when acceptance of reality is hard, we can fall into difficult emotions. Finding acceptance of reality, in knowing that a series of events has lead us to where we are right now, we can decrease suffering. We may not have all the thing we may want right in this moment, and that’s okay. If we can take time to accept our reality we can increase our ability to be present, and our enjoyment with what we have for this moment. Using this skill can help get through the wave of emotions the holiday season may bring.
-Brianna Taylor, Intern

Do Something Empowering or Healing

During the holidays, grief can be ever present or it can seemingly come out of nowhere and smack you in the face. It doesn't matter if this is your first year without someone or your 10th, the loss can still be felt. In honor of your loved one, start a new tradition. Cook a dish that person used to cook or create a memory book to add to each year. And just because you say you miss your loved one, it does not make you Mr./Ms. Downer, it makes you human and provides others a chance to show you a little love.
–Valencia Agnew, PhD., DBTC

Give Yourself Permission

This may mean saying “no” to several things: a certain event, to overspending, or to hosting an event. This is your opportunity to do what is best for you. Learn to value the importance of setting boundaries. Slow down and ask yourself: What do I want to gain during this holiday season? What do I value and what is most important? And, what traditions are important to me that I am able to maintain?
–Ellen J. Thomasma, LMSW, ACSW