For better or worse, our minds judge as a way of making sense of the world and of our own and others' place within it. This tendency to look at situations and people as good/bad, right/wrong, selfish/selfless can be powerful in our closest relationships. When partnerships are overshadowed by judgement, precious time and energy get squandered feeding old narratives that support a sense of injury or entitlement.

In the persona of Judges, we separate and distance ourselves from those we love and from our own true hearts. We selectively collect evidence supporting our own perspectives, learning nothing new in the process, and remain emotionally contracted and spiritually anemic. Stubbornly holding the bigger half of a wishbone while starving for connection is a shallow victory indeed. Judging promotes an illusion of control while keeping us stuck in the pain of separation. On the receiving end of judgment and criticism, others suffer. Within the Imago framework, criticism is viewed as a form of abuse that destroys relationships.

In our search for genuine partnership, we're repeatedly presented with the option of approaching our emotions with curiosity, respect and concern: envision a friendly, wise Concierge. If we take the Imago perspective that conflict is in fact growth trying to happen, our Inner Concierge can meet, greet and assist the self and others through difficult relational experiences. Conflicts and challenges can be used in the service of love, as gateways to fully expressed Selfhood.

As you choose to embody the Concierge over the Judge, you let go of the question "Who's to blame?" and embrace the stance, "How can I help?" This question can change what you see and how you respond, whether you're directing it towards another person or asking it of your own emotional experience.