An Interview with Officer Deeds from the "Fairy Tale Matchmaker" series.
By Oakley Treekin
What did you think of Cory when you first met her?
She contacted the Fey Law Enforcement Agency (FLEA) to report that someone had thrown a tooth through her window. I went all the way to her house and saw that it wasn't even a real tooth. (I was very disappointed!) I thought she had contacted us for a big lot of nothing and she was wasting my time.
Did you know how the Tooth Fairy Guild and the other guilds were treating their members before Cory brought it to your attention?
I'd heard rumors, but I had no idea that they were persecuting the members who quit. If we'd known that the guilds were vandalizing homes and property and getting the other guilds involved in harassment, we would have stopped it a lot sooner.
Had you ever met your future wife before you fell in love with her?
Never. I used to think that fairies were flighty light-weights who wouldn't know a serious thought if it conked them on the noggin. Now I know that isn't true. My wife has lots of serious thoughts. She scares even me sometimes.
What do you think of Officer Blue?
He's a fine young half-ogre, a good officer and an even better trumpet player. I especially like his version of Deep Water Blues.
Your bride had to endure some strange goblin rituals before the wedding. As the groom, did you have to go through strange rituals, too?
You bet I did! Right after I arrived, the male goblins in my clan made me roll around in hot coals to singe off all my matted body hair. Then I had to read the sports page in the Goblin Gazette while saying, "Yes, dear," five hundred times. Finally, I had to eat charred toast, live leeches and sandy spinach to get me ready in case my wife was a lousy cook. Of course, that last part wasn't too hard because it was an improvement over my mother's cooking.