Perhaps you heard our Unmasked Leader say this week: "When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn't do any testing we would have very few cases." I’m not a scientist, but I do have a magnifying glass, and I don’t think that’s the way it works. In case you haven't caught on by now, we are up the creek without a president. This guy twists the facts unlike any one I've ever seen and, to put it simply, the wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. Using this logic, let's imagine he's your primary care physician: "If we don't test then you don't have cancer, but if we do test then you will have cancer. Which one do you like better?" I'm going to let good old Ben Franklin say it: "We are all born ignorant, but one has to work hard to remain stupid." Listen Cult 45 followers, it's not too late to join the thinking. Our country is on life support. | On Friday, in his latest dismissal of independent government watchdogs, the Orange Virus fired State Department Inspector General Steve Linick. "Why?" you ask. In a letter he sent to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi he said, "It is vital that I have the fullest confidence in the appointees serving as Inspectors General. That is no longer the case with regard to this Inspector General." Translation: He's not doing my bidding. Not long after Linick's firing, the chairman of the House Foreign Affairs Committee said Linick had opened an investigation into Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. We can't get this virus out of the White House fast enough. | Coronacoaster - The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute, but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster.” | Scientists report that Greenland sharks are now the longest-living vertebrates known on earth. How old you ask? They've discovered one that's 400-years-old, likely born around 1620. They use radiocarbon dating of eye proteins to determine the ages of 28 Greenland sharks, and now you want to know how they live so long? They have a very slow metabolism and inhabit some of the coldest waters on the planet at such a sluggish pace that has earned them the nickname “sleeper sharks.” Sort of makes me want to take a nap on a bed of ice. | Wanting something to play with your friends while social distancing on Zoom? Download the game Psych! You try to come up with the definition or answer that your fellow players will pick for a variety of categories. One is the correct answer. What's the book "The Underminer" about?
* Answer below next to cartoon me. | We could all use a smile right now. So, take a close look at this northern pygmy owl on Vancouver Island, Canada, sitting perched on a small branch. He looks like he had either a rough night or the best night of his life. (Speaking of which, I'm not going to look in the mirror today.) Knowing we're all feeling a little trapped, the founders of the Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards 2020 have released the photos of some early finalists. From a photo of an Alaskan brown bear caught 'dancing' with his paws mid air, to a whispering hippo, the images will give a grin. And, if you have a fantastic photo, call for entries is until June 30. | ▪ “I swear there are two pandemics, COVID19 and stupidity.”
▪ "Can someone explain to me why the same people who don't need to wear a mask because God will look after them also need an AR-15 because God won't?"
▪ "I've realized you weigh millennials by their Instagrams."
▪ "Every time I walk by the refrigerator I hear Dolly Parton's 'Here You Come Again.'"
| ▪ | “I swear there are two pandemics, COVID19 and stupidity.” | | ▪ | "Can someone explain to me why the same people who don't need to wear a mask because God will look after them also need an AR-15 because God won't?" | | ▪ | "I've realized you weigh millennials by their Instagrams." | | ▪ | "Every time I walk by the refrigerator I hear Dolly Parton's 'Here You Come Again.'" | | In the middle of the pandemic, Pete the serial flasher was thinking of retiring, but decided to stick it out for another year.
That made me chuckle. Want a real belly buster? An unmasked assistant to the Orange Man in the White House told him she had an amazing dream last night. There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating him. Millions of people lined the parade route, cheering when the president went past. Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere. In fact, she said, It was the biggest celebration Washington had ever seen. "That's really great!" 45 said. "How did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?" The now-fired assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed." While God forgives me, you can guess the caption for this photo...
* My answer below, next to cartoon me. | Anxiety is misplaced excitement. | It's May 16, 2020. I've been on the farm for 66 days now. Except for the pumpkin, our vegetables grow on, and I'm counting on better days for this country ahead. ▪ The Underminer - A Self-help Book On Dealing With A Best Friend Who Is Attractive, Successful, And Casually Destroying Your Life
▪ Last laugh photo caption: "Isolation: Day 65"
| ▪ | The Underminer - A Self-help Book On Dealing With A Best Friend Who Is Attractive, Successful, And Casually Destroying Your Life | | ▪ | Last laugh photo caption: "Isolation: Day 65" | Please HAVE YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY & PETS subscribe to this newsletter. Free subscriptions are only until I figure out how to charge! Join me on Instagram. I need more stalkers. | |
