Marriages are more like roller-coaster rides than hover boards, more like cross-country triathalons than quarter-mile sprints. Very few relationships have been so perfectly designed to wake us up, shake us down, and grow us up. Marriages, when they're long-term and committed - when you and your partner have both feet fully planted in the process - will very likely challenge your comfortable views of yourself, others and life itself.

The challenging moments hurt or leave you disoriented, feeling wrong or wronged, critical or criticized, unwanted or wanting. It can be argued that the loneliness partners feel within the container of a marriage is qualitatively different than other types of loneliness. There's an added layer of angst to the loneliness spouses experience in the same room or bed or car or commitment with a partner who has withdrawn or shut down.

Tools help. Try PAUSE.

P stands for Pause. Stop what you're doing, internally and externally.
A stands for Accept. Accept the situation. Stop resisting it or rejecting it. It's here.
U stands for Understand your feelings. Take a moment to sense into your emotions.
S stands for See your partner's perspective. Put yourself in his or her shoes.
E stands for Express your feelings. State, as simply as possible, how you feel.

Familiarize yourself with the Imago Dialogue and consider using it with your partner to express each step of your PAUSE.