June DBT Challenge: Becoming the Master of Your Fate

by Courtney Johnson

In this month’s challenge we are looking at a skill essential for building confidence and improving self esteem. We have all heard the advice, “be more confident!” and can agree that having confidence can help us in may areas of our life. So where is our on switch to having more confidence? Unfortunately, it is not as easy as flipping a switch for most individuals. But the skill of Building Mastery can foster a sense of confidence through challenging ourselves to accomplish tasks each day. This allows us to feel more competent in our ability to handle challenges thrown our way.

Building Mastery is a necessary link to improving confidence

It encourages us to take control of our ability to build skill through practice. We can do this through setting specific, incremental goals daily, while gradually increasing the difficulty. Building mastery can involve simple life tasks such as making your bed each morning or to more involved hobbies such as learning a new language or playing the guitar.

First, believe you're capable

In order to do this skill effectively, we must look at ourselves through what is called a growth mindset, meaning we are capable of learning and accomplishing new challenges through practice and persistence. This mindset encourages us to challenge any fixed thoughts we have about ourselves (e.g., “I’m just a messy person,” “learning a new language is for smart people,”) and believe in our ability to grow and master new skills in life.

Don't let mistakes stop you

Another key element is to be forgiving of ourselves when we do not get it right the first time. Mistakes are going to happen and looking through a lens of compassion will help us be kind to ourselves and identify the areas of opportunity learned in each failure. Building mastery is important as it improves the ability to believe in one’s skill to accomplish challenges and allows us to be courageous when tackling life’s obstacles. Do better each day by tackling a new skill and improving competence, confidence and ultimately self esteem.

Your DBT Challenge:

Outline 3 things about yourself or your life that you want to change or have goals for.

For example: (1. I wish I had more time to read. (2. I need to stop spending money on take out. (3. I want to travel.

Write a plan for how to plan to make those things attainable.

For example: (1. I’m going to finish this work in the morning or put the kids to bed a little early so I can have 30 minutes to read before bed. (2. I’m going to commit to a set day each week to grocery shop so I’m less tempted to get take out. (3. With the money I’m saving from not eating out as much, I’m going to put a little aside each month to take trip.