Be Kind To Yourself

The holiday season is fully upon us. It is a difficult time to be single. There are reminders everywhere that the rest of the world seems to be successfully paired up. Every other TV commercial features diamond engagement rings, young couples buying each other cars or a happy family in matching pajamas. Accepting a party invitation comes with the choice of bringing a friend as a plus one or going alone and swimming in a sea of happy couples. And let's not even talk about the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. It's hard.

While none of this is a picnic, one of the most painful things for me to see this time of year is how hard my clients are on themselves.

With the approach of a new year, it is human nature to take stock of the year that's about to end. If you haven't found a relationship, you may see 2018 as a bust. I encourage you to look at it a bit differently. Rather than using an all or nothing approach to evaluating the last twelve months, look for more subtle gains. Take stock of the things you learned. Give yourself credit for the things you tried, regardless of the outcome. And most important of all, if you are stuck in a pattern that's holding you back, trust that you have developed that pattern for very good reasons. Honor that the thing that holds you back in your adult relationships may be the thing that saved you earlier in life.

Let's set a new tone this holiday season. Let's honor who you are by not apologizing for being single. Let's gently challenge the inner critic; gently because this is the part of you trying to keep you safe. Let's definitely give yourself credit for your perseverance. Just being in the game takes a great deal of courage. Allow yourself to feel good about these things and it will make your continued efforts going forward a lot more rewarding.

Happy dating!

Christine