Screen Time, it's something all families find themselves doing these days. In my play therapy sessions, tweens and teens love to show me their newest creations on Minecraft and trending youtube videos. The internet and games connect us in ways we never could before.
The way I see it, there is nothing inherently wrong with spending time playing with your phone, computer, or tablet. The problem is that it's all too easy to get lost in the screen activity.
Subtle tension, anxiety, stress, and distraction are the results of losing ourselves in the screen. This is what our kids feel too when they have too much, even if they can't articulate it. So if we are stressed, distracted, and disconnected how can we bring the caring presence and attention to our families that we need in order to have harmony at home?
When both we and our children are coming from a place of disconnection fights can easily erupt and everyone feels depleted.
The internet, email, video games and other things we engage with on screens are designed to get us to lose ourselves in them and to want more. They are created specifically to play on that part of our brain that feels good when we keep doing it. (Admit it, you clicked that funny cat video even though you told yourself you wouldn't).
So how do you deal with being a family that likes its screen time without becoming agitated or lost?
It all starts in the body.
The more awareness you have of your living, breathing body the more access you have to your prefrontal cortex and to higher level thinking, planning, and impulse control. You are more grounded, even amidst surprises and stresses, and able to choose your responses, rather than react.
With adults body awareness usually starts with feeling the breath. Can you feel yourself breathing even as you read this? The breath naturally sipping in and flowing out, without any conscious effort on your part. Even as whatever else is happening around you happens, you can attend to this basic body function to stay centered in your deeper self, more relaxed and in control of your reactions.
Connecting to the experience of your body or breath as you use your device can completely change what happens when it's time to get off it.
The same result happens from attending to any part of the body. Try it yourself. As you read this can you feel your arms, can you sense the back of your skull, and allow it relax just a little? Can you feel your fingers as they scroll or rest? That forward and upwards tension we create when we attune to what we are doing outside of us, especially when it is mental (which most screen activities are) relaxes, and we find ourselves in our our selves again, relating to the screen, not lost in it.
So the next time you are sitting with your family having some screen time try this: announce that today as everyone uses their devices they will choose one body part or the breath to feel at the same time as they have screen time. Periodically look up from your device and nonchalantly ask, "Can you feel your arms?" or "Do you notice your breath?" Let the question be an invitation, a gentle reminder, rather than anything actually needing a response. Then afterwards ask how often they were able to feel their fingers (or whatever body part they choose).
Do this daily for one month, and you will not only find that you are in your own body more and less reactive, but you will notice that you will become more aware, less stressed and more alive every day. At first you may find you immediately forget to feel as you are on your screen, or that it is hard to focus on the body and the task at the same time. Like learning to play the piano with two hands, it takes time and consistent practice to build a new habit like this. With each repetition of trying to feel the body while on the screen you are helping yourself and your children grow and strengthen a neural network that supports self-regulation and centeredness in the body. Make this simple change and start a new habit that supports attention and connectedness.
So... what part of your body or breath are you going to feel during screen time today?
Make of note of it in your calendar now. Go ahead, even set a reminder. Repeat daily for one month and see what shifts happen in you and in your family.
Author: Karen Wolfe is a local psychotherapist helping children and families in San Francisco and the East Bay to find more harmony and connection. To find our more see www.SFBayPlayTherapy.com.
Schedule your appointment today: (415) 420 - 9459 Karen@SFBayPlayTherapy.com
An 8-week group to support this amazing-grueling-terrifying-joyful-exhausting-ever-evolving journey of parenthood. Learn how to get through tantrums, paradigm-shifting ways set limits effectively, and tools to help your child grow up to be healthy, happy, and well-adjusted and you to feel sane in the process.
Weekly groups to fit your child's age and schedule. A fun and safe place to learn and practice tools for self-regulation, cooperative play, communication skills, emotional regulation, empathy, and above all the joy of true accepting friendships.
Whether your child is the (anything-but-typical) “normal kid” or experiences sensory and learning differences this group is for you. We will cover everything from how to get through tantrums, paradigm-shifting ways set limits effectively, and tools to help your child grow up to be healthy, happy, and well-adjusted and you to feel sane and even expansive in the process.
This 8-week group will provide education and support for parents wanting to refine their parenting tools, looking for support for specific challenges in the family, or curious to find out how to experience parenting as the growth-enhancing journey it is. The structure and content will draw from Hand in Hand Parenting, an understanding of attachment and trauma, Social Thinking, Behavior Modification, and Mindfulness.
Note: Prior to confirming enrollment you must complete the enrollment process
* 20-minute phone screening with parent/caregiver
* 60-minute in-person assessment session for child
More about our Social Skills Groups
Using a combination of guided free-play and child-centered didactic lessons on social skills, your child will gain tools and confidence to navigate his/her social world and a wider range of emotions.
Led by a highly experienced (and very passionate!) child and family therapist, activities include social-emotional teaching games, puppet and role plays, and child-led play with guidance to implement prosocial tools in the moment.
Appropriate for children ages 5-11 who could use a little extra support to engage socially with peers, manage attention and body regulation, and deal appropriately with emotions. Most children have no diagnosis or experience mild Anxiety, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, or Asperger's Syndrome.
Themes and activities are drawn from Michelle Garcia Winner’s Social Thinking curriculum, Play and Drama Therapy techniques, Mindfulness, and most importantly the creativity of the group itself! Activities are designed to inspire whole-body learning through doing.
Topics are tailored to the group and may include:
▪ Joining in play & conversations ▪ Dealing with conflict & bullying ▪ Communication and cooperation skills ▪ Reading body language ▪ Self-regulation: how to channel extra energy ▪ Handling frustration & disappointment ▪ How to be flexible and adapt to unexpected situations ▪ Emotional intelligence: Understanding emotions and empathy ▪ Finding a social identity and conquering the "villains" to making friends (Using Michelle Garcia Winner's Superflex curriculum)
Logistics
Groups consist of 4 or less children, all within a similar age and developmental level to ensure optimal learning and growth and maximum fun!
Groups are located at the San Francisco and Lafayette Offices. Occasional playground field trips may be planned according to the group.
Sessions are on a sliding scale and cost $80-$120 per 90-minute session. Many PPO's will reimburse partially for the group. Check with your insurance individually.
Groups run anywhere from 10 weeks to the entire school year. The most benefit is seen with enrollment for one-two school years.
All participants must complete the enrollment process prior to confirming acceptance. This ensures that all the children in one group gel well and that your child is in a group appropriate (and enjoyable) for him/her.
Enrollment Process:
20-minute phone screening with parents
60-minute play assessment session with child
"Karen's 8/10-week social skills group benefited both our 9 year old son and our family more than any other group therapy we've done over the years. We came away with tools to help tackle the day to day challenges and felt connected to other families in the same boat thanks to the parent portion of the program. Our son is bright and expressive and to the untrained eye has no visible 'issues' other than boundless energy and being rather dominant. He responded beautifully to the challenges presented to him. He was so obviously happy in a safe social setting where quirks were accepted, celebrated and discussed. He really enjoyed digging deeper into social thinking. It was like he craved exactly what was offered and we were thrilled to see the confidence build in him. Karen is masterful in her compassion for children with ADHD or similar issues, and presents their side of the picture in ways I was able to learn and grow from. Thanks to Karen's steering and insights, my understanding of our son's experience of the world has deepened and my relationship with him is now stronger. This journey seems to be as much about the parent as the child - which Karen appreciates fundamentally." -Heather
"Karen's in-school coaching has been extremely helpful for my twin four-year-old boys. One of them was really struggling with his behavior in school--acting out, not controlling his emotions well, becoming easily frustrated. He was also struggling with his behavior at home, but school was very much a challenge. Karen has been working with him in the classroom for five (amazing!) months now. She goes to class twice per week and works with my son for an hour on learning to regulate his emotions and to "be a good friend" to his peers at school. The results have been amazing. He has a vocabulary to help him deal with his emotions, and he behaves better at home. He also reaches out more to other kids at play dates, school and on the playground."
"Karen is a skilled communicator with all parties involved-- the child, the teachers at pre-school and with us, the nervous parents. I savor the information she gives me on my son's day. My husband and I try to use her key takeaway messages at home in our interactions with our son, and I can say with 100% confidence that they've made us better parents. I'm so happy that Karen's been a part of our son's life, and we've even begun to use her fabulous services for our other son, who is better-behaved, but also on the shy side. She's the best! Please feel free to contact me for a reference."
About the Therapist
Karen Wolfe, Marriage and Family Therapist, President-Elect SF Bay Area Association for Play Therapy, and her beloved nephew
Karen Wolfe is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 10 years experience supporting children's social-emotional development. She has a deep respect for each child she meets and is passionate about helping encourage the individual light of each child to shine and be seen by others. She has had the pleasure of supporting children and families since 2002 and has been running Social Skills groups since 2009. She has worked as a Floortime/DIR and Behavior Interventionist, Special Day Class Teacher, Meditation and yoga teacher, in-class Social Coach, and psychotherapist for children and adults. She has extensive experience supporting children with exceptional learning styles and weaves together evidence-based practices with an orientation of relational and transpersonal psychotherapy for a truly holistic experience. She currently serves as the President-Elect for the SF Bay Chapter of the Association for Play Therapy. She has a Master's Degree in Integral Counseling Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies and a Bachelor's in Psychology from UCLA. She draws from her various experiences and training to create a curriculum that is at once dynamic and fun, skill-building, based in a deep understanding of human connection and the emotional life of young children, and finding mindfulness in the energetic social interactions of developing youth. She draws from the methods of Child-Centered Play Therapy, Expressive Arts and Drama, Jungian Psychology, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness, and Michelle Garcia Winner to teach social skills in a fun and well-rounded way. She specializes in providing therapy for children, parents, and families in San Francisco and Lafayette, CA.
Other services provided by Karen Wolfe, MFT:
▪ Classroom-based support / "therapeutic shadowing"
▪ Parenting coaching
▪ Child-Centered Play Therapy
▪ Family Play therapy and Filial (parent-child) therapy
▪ Social skills groups
▪ Consultation and trainings for teachers and school staff
▪ Psychotherapy for adults
▪ Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
