Sitting With Sensei

Student - I'm really glad we can finally talk! I've been practicing a lot and I'm having so many emotions. It's really been a roller coaster ride........very blissful at times but then all kinds of fears and doubts come up. I've also had phases where I just feel so tired......
Sensei - Ok great, glad to hear you're practicing! Are you just treating yourself? Treating others? Both?
Student - Yes, both. I love Reiki and I know it's good for me, but I'm not sure if I'm good for Reiki. It usually feels good when I practice. I feel special for having gotten the teachings and attunements, but then I'm afraid I'm just on a big ego trip. One of my clients asked me how much training I've had and I told them I was at Master Teacher level. When I thought about it later I felt embarrassed and ashamed. How can I call myself a master teacher when I haven't taught any classes yet and have only been practicing for a year? I haven't mastered Reiki, I haven't mastered myself.....I'm just a beginner and I'm not even sure the Reiki is working sometimes!
Sensei - I'm just a beginner too!
Student - How can you say that Sensei!! And you're laughing at me!
Sensei - Please forgive me! I didn't mean to make fun of you. I was just like you when I first started, and my Sensei laughed too. What you're going through, what I went through as a beginner, what my Sensei went through.......only serious students who have the potential to become wonderful healers go through these trials. I feel affection for you and my laughter is joyful FOR you, not against you. Everything you're going through is natural. There is nothing wrong with you or your Reiki, so just keep practicing. And you're right, you have mastered nothing and you're not a teacher......not yet! This "Reiki Master" title that we use should be eliminated. The Japanese word for master is not used in traditional Japanese Reiki. What we call Master Level in the West is called Shinpiden in Japan. Shinpiden means "mystery teaching".
Student - Yes I know that Sensei. But why do you say that you're a beginner too? You have been practicing for many, many years. You've taught hundreds of students and given hundreds of treatments!
Sensei - Yes that's right. But like you said, I have been practicing for many years. I'm still practicing, get it? It's progress, not perfection. I'm still learning, discovering, evolving, enhancing, still practicing the inner alchemy. There is no finish line. The journey itself is the reward! Even this term "Sensei"; I appreciate the respect that comes with it, but I know it's just a formality and I don't take it too seriously. There is an expression in Zen Buddhism; "Beginner's Mind". If you really understand that and live it, you will recover your childlike sense of wonder and your mind will flatline. In that state, there is no Reiki Mastery, only the Reiki Mystery! Can you say, The only thing I know for sure is that I know nothing?
Student - Ok, Ok, I get it! (big smile) The only thing I know for sure is that I know nothing! But what do you mean when you say "your mind will flatline"? That's medical terminology........when you're in the ICU on life support......there's that screen with the blips that show your heartbeat. If you die.....
Sense - Yes, it's called flat-lining when your heart stops beating because the line flattens out......
Student- Ok, but what do you mean? I should be brain dead!?
Sensei - Haha! No of course not, I just mean that the mind chatter quiets down.......your mind becomes like the surface of a lake on a windless day. The surface of the lake is perfectly flat and reflects everything like a mirror. You are experiencing the mental-emotional roller coaster because there is turbulence within you as all your old issues get stirred up. The Reiki is dissolving everything that's not your true nature - your issues, karmas, wounds, negative beliefs and ego positions........ It comes in waves.....at times you are enjoying the roller coaster ride. You stand up in your roller coaster and shout with your hands up in the air! At other times you're terrified and grip the safety bar so tight that your knuckles turn white. As you mature in your practice you will develop a sense of calm neutral detachment because you have let go deep into your center. Life may be swirling chaotically around you but you are not affected. You are situated in the place of absolute safety, peace, love and wisdom within. You are in the world but not of it.
Student - Easier said than done! I've been trying to stop thinking ever since I became interested in meditation. I admit that Reiki has helped me meditate longer and more regularly, but my mind is still all over the place.
Sensei - Stop trying to stop thinking. That never works! Just notice that thinking is there and don't judge it. Put one hand on the solar plexus and the other on the center of the chest. Let the Reiki flow and focus in the heart warmth and breath. Listen to the silence. Listen and silent are spelled with the same letters!
Student- I will try that (deep sigh).... I feel so much better. What the heck was I worried about? I can't even remember! Thank you Sensei (student bows to Sensei)
Sensei - You're welcome, but you don't have to bow to me......and if you do, remember that what you admire in me is already within you. Do not worship me! Keep practicing and stay in beginner's mind......and make sure you're getting enough deep sleep! You're tired because you're processing so much. Be gentle with yourself. Don't push yourself so hard. It's not a race!